Finding a Love if you have never been married?
By Bill Scalzitti, The Coach for Romance
If you have been looking for your first marriage and have been coming up empty, you need to powerfully re-evaluate your goals and objectives about finding a lasting romantic relationship so that they best fit your deepest needs and desires. Then you can move with intention and velocity through the steps necessary to transform your thoughts and desires into a real romantic relationship. If you want a serious long term relationship, you need to be far more careful in your selection than if you were just out for a bit of fun. A one night stand or a short term fling doesn’t require much more than a level of attraction.
You need to start with the premise that you must absolutely love yourself. If you are seriously committed to finding a long term and meaningful relationship, it is essential to recognize that no one can love you if you don’t love yourself. You need to take time to get to know yourself, even learn how to love yourself. By doing this, you will help prepare yourself to find that special person you have been seeking.
If your life is a mess, how are you going to have the relationship you have been seeking? Finding the right person isn’t going to straighten out your life. And worse, if you are to meet that person in the condition of total disarray in your life, what makes you think that person would stay around and be there to help you straighten out your life?
So before we begin our journey, I want to take a few minutes to have you take a good hard look at yourself and ask yourself this question: If I met me today, would I want to have a relationship with me? Most people I ask who are being honest will say, “no.” So let’s start by getting you right on the inside, and part of getting you right is to get you to start thinking in the now. Many people I counsel, after much probing, find out they are living their lives for their mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, their friends, their teachers, their religious leaders, and not at all living their lives for themselves. In every decision and choice they make, they were doing it to please somebody other than themselves. Now, it’s time that we start pleasing ourselves. We can’t live our lives to please other people, and make ourselves miserable in the process.
Sometimes we approach relationships based on things we think we should have because of what the media has told us or what we feel is appropriate. So when you question your thoughts about the kind of partner you are looking for, I want you to ask yourself, “Are these truly my thoughts?” And if not, then I want you to take time to rethink them and come up with what you really believe about these subjects. Otherwise, you’re going to have false values.
However, if you are ready to progress towards a relationship that is more long term, there are essential considerations you need to think about to help you meet your goals. For example, you need to look at the unique qualities in your partner that would be most compatible with yours, and you need to examine your and your partner’s willingness and ability to commit. This is step one, so get to work and see what you come up with regarding step one.
Take control of your romantic relationships now by getting in touch with Romance by Choice at RomancebyChoice.com, [email protected] or calling 201-981-3629
Copyright © 2019 All Rights Reserved Worldwide, by William J Scalzitti, LLC